


The Prank War

by sarahcakes613



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Brothers, Gen, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 05:29:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5363117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahcakes613/pseuds/sarahcakes613
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short history of the ongoing prank war between Balin & Dwalin Fundinson, and Oin & Gloin Groinson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Prank War

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miss_Bubblegum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Bubblegum/gifts).



> Have a Happy Hobbit Holiday, Miss_Bubblegum!
> 
> I've fudged the timeline a bit so less time has passed between the fall and retaking of Erebor.
> 
> Cheese dialogue from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Credit to Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, and Philippa Boyens!

It began as all things do – with boredom, plain and simple.

Fundin told them to go play outside, but it was raining. Their mother told them to go visit their uncle Groin in the library, but he just kept shushing them.

Years later, there would be some disagreement on how it started, or who made the first move, but it was clear as to when. A rainy day when they were all bored. According to Balin's telling, it was Dwalin who first suggested they entertain themselves by replacing the tobacco in Oin's pipe with flowery tea leaves. To hear Oin tell it, it was his idea to restring Dwalin's viol so that all of the notes were reversed.

Either way, it was not to be the work of one rainy afternoon.

The next day, Gloin found his favourite tobacco stuffed inside Oin's ear trumpet. The day after that, Dwalin found that all his tunics had been replaced with those belonging to Gloin's brother in law, who was a foot shorter and a foot wider than Dwalin. 

One thing the Fundinsons and the Groinsons could agree on was that the Prank War had been going on for 30 years when the Dragon came. After Smaug, the dwarrows existence turned nomadic, and there seemed to no longer be point to their game. After Azanulzibar, it seemed even more pointless. The two sets of brothers set up their new lives in the Blue Mountains, and the Prank War ceased to exist, save in the form of stories told to a wide-eyed Gimli. 

It had been 60 or so years since the Dragon and the fall of Erebor, when Balin found himself greeting his younger brother in the smial of one Bilbo Baggins.  
"What is this?"  
"I don’t know, it’s supposed to be cheese. It’s gone blue."  
"It’s riddled with mold."  
Bilbo huffed, interrupting them. "It is _meant_ to be like that, and it's considered quite the delicacy in the Shire, I'll have you know!"

Balin caught Dwalin's eye, and grinned. "A delicacy, you say. You know, Master Baggins, one of our cousins will be arriving shortly. A fellow with an ear trumpet. Do be sure to offer him some of this cheese. He'll no doubt refuse, but he's just being polite. Do insist he try some." Dwalin bit back a chuckle. Thorin had asked them all to pack as little as possible, which meant sharing bedrolls, and Oin and Gloin would most likely be sharing one. He recalled the smells and sounds that tended to emanate from Oin after he consumed cheese. Gloin would find that bedroll most unpleasant, and Dwalin would find that most amusing.

Two days into their journey, Gloin made his move. "Brother," he whispered into Oin's ear one evening, "have you noticed that our burglar and Balin share a most similar style of trouser? Do you suppose Balin would notice if they were switched?" Oin cackled, turning it into a cough when Dwalin looked over at them suspiciously.

The pranks continued off and on throughout most of the journey. There was not always time to plan ahead, and they often had to wait until the latest danger had been passed, but no one of the brothers wanted to be the first to back down. By the time Erebor had been retaken and Smaug struck down, the score (not that anyone was keeping score, of course) was tied at 41 pranks for each pair of brothers. By now, the other members of the company were aware of the ongoing battle and each was rooting for his favourite. Even Thorin had eventually caught on, and would admit to no one that he was in favour of Gloin, for the way he cleverly rubbed soap on the inside of Dwalin's pipe. Upon lighting, the pipe had begun to blow bubbles to the shock of everyone, most especially it's owner.

Just as none of them could agree on who began the Prank War, none could be sure who it was that ended it. It wasn't like after the Fall, when the pranks lost their flavour – this time, everyone felt that the pranks were useful, a way of letting go and unwinding after all they had been through. As time went by, however, other more important matters came to the forefront. Caravans began arriving from the Blue Mountains, bringing settlers and tradesmen anxious to help rebuild the mountain. Gloin's wife and son arrived, and he grew busy helping Thorin with the accurate accounting of the treasury. Dwalin, Balin, and Oin, all too had their roles to play, and once again the Prank War fell into memory.

That is, until the day when Gimli and his father prepared to leave Erebor for a meeting of the races in Rivendell. Dwalin's eyes glinted as he offered to help Gimli saddle his father's pony.


End file.
